365) Bad Santa (2003), Terry Zwigoff, B-
Before I point out flaws, I preface thusly: Billy Bob Thornton is the greatest non-Johnny Depp actor working in Hollywood films today. Somebody cast him in something halfway intelligent opposite Jack Nicholson and we can all call it a day. Now, "Bad Santa" is one of those troublesome movies that has a lot of fantastic things going for it and just as many problems. I laughed my arse off when I was supposed to, but at other times I kept wishing I was home so I could hit pause and go check my email. It is a flawed, flawed movie that has some timeless bits we'll be laughing at forever. Tony Cox ought to get the Oscar for supporting.

364) Andrei Rublev (1966), Andrei Tarkovsky, B+
205 minutes of symbol-laden, elliptical tableau. Long stretches without a central character anywhere in sight. Micro-essays concerning creativity, work, faith and doubt posing as dialogue. Some things I’d never seen before watching this film: a cow on fire, a horse falling down a flight of stairs, a drowned swan, a dog beaten with a stick and no label from the ASPCA declaring no animals harmed. But I also found out how to make a giant bell ca.1400 (it involves burying it in the ground and lighting the mound on fire.) I can’t say I fully grasped every moment of this film – I can’t even say I stayed awake for every moment of this film – but there are some wild moments and, in terms of general themes and mood, I think Tarkovsky got his point across. Just slowly.

363) Schizopolis (1996), Steven Soderbergh, A
Nose army! (If Monty Python wasn't trying to be funny -- but was anyway -- it would be like "Schizopolis." What's staggering is how much of a story there actually is hidden in this madness. Like the gag opening says, you really do have to see this more than once! This is mad genius at work and, despite tongue forcefully placed in cheek, it works on a much deeper level. This is also a very sad movie.) Jigsaw.

362) Harry and Tonto (1974), Paul Mazursky, A-
They don’t make movies like this anymore. They try, but they come out schmaltzy. The first hour is absolute perfection, the second half may be a bit too elliptical for its own good. Still, Art Carney’s Oscar is well-deserved and if you don’t feel a lump in your throat (a well-earned lump, mind you) then you have serious problems.

361) Rabbit-Proof Fence (2002), Philip Noyce, B
It sure sucks to be a half-Aboriginal in Western Australia in the 1930s. I like a movie that points out how horrible non-American whites are; I can feel scorn completely guilt-free. Anyway, this movie is pretty good. The history is more interesting than anything else.

360) The Terminator (1984), James Cameron, B+
The first 45 minutes are as stirring and cinematically challenging as the best of Hitchcock. The rest is fun, too. It has aged very well, though it lacks the humor of chapters II and III.

359) The Panic in Needle Park (1971), Jerry Schatzberg, B
You need to see another "drugs are bad" movie like you need a hole in the head, but considering when this was made it is remarkable. Performances and setting is still quite arresting. It's funny to see how tough the Upper West Side was in 1971.

358) Jubilee (1977), Derek Jarman, F
Awful. Like a Paul Morrissey film (hardly my favorites) without any intriguing characters. Or like "The Young Ones" without humor. Bad, terrible, bad. The Criterion Collection's first major misstep.

357) Ghost World (2001), Terry Zwigoff, A
This movie, well, it just knocks it out of the park. I don’t remember too much from "American Beauty" and haven’t seen Thora Birch’s other recent work, but I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and say that, based on this performance, she is the greatest actress of her generation. Just look at the way she walks, the way her arms dangle uncomfortably when she is at rest. I foolishly looked up some recent photos of Birch on the Web and learned, sadly, that she lost weight; she doesn’t look like Enid anymore, she looks like a regular person, one of the "99% of humanity" she and Seymour can’t relate to. This movie gets an "A" because I love it so much but, like Enid, it is flawed. The coda is a disaster -- that much is almost universally agreed on. Also, I feel like some of the wacky side characters (the Satanists, the kung-fu redneck) are kinda crammed in during the first ten minutes, then dropped. My educated guess is that this is due to wanting to keep some of the gems from the comic book. My quick research tells me that the relationship with Seymour, the emotional heart and soul, was created for the movie, and not in the original comic book. If this is true, it finalizes a theory I’ve held since I was about 9 years old – I don’t like comic books. So far, "Ghost World" is the only comic book movie I like, and I think what I respond to is all the non-comic book parts.

356) Arsenal (1928), Aleksandr Dovzhenko, B-
I was really lost until I turned on the commentary track. Then I realized what the barrage of images I was looking at was about – an "Alamo"-like stand of Bolsheviks in a Ukrainian arsenal against nationalists. Without a roadmap it’s impossible to follow unless you know a lot about the day-to-day politics of Kiev in 1918. With a roadmap, it is another example of wonderful Soviet avant-garde cinema.

355) The Red Badge of Courage (1951), John Huston, B+
A solid cinematic rendering of Stephen Crane's prose. . .for the most part. The ending gets a little jingoistic (it does star Audie Murphey) but this is a nice little gem.

354) At Home Among Strangers, A Stranger Among His Own (1974), Nikita Mikhalkov, C+
A Sergio Leone-style Western set in the early days of the Soviet Union. This story about a man who botches protecting a delivery of gold (to Moscow, to trade to the Leauge of Nations, so starving workers can eat) and fights both bandits and the gov't posse on his tail sure pitches well. But is plays out jumbled, confused and boring. Even the music is Morricone-like. Points for trying.

353) Spirited Away (2002), Hayao Miyazaki, B
"Spirited Away" is deeply flawed, yet so staggeringly original and unpredictable that I found myself greatly involved in it. As a narrative, it is a complete mess -- but it isn't quite screwy enough to be a "dream logic" movie like, say, "Mullholland Drive." What you come away with is an inscrutable plot, an unexplained setting (what good is a fish-out-of-water tale if you never know what the new pond is?) and characters operating without any motivation (first they're good guys, then bad guys, then they eat cheesecake.) Okay. That's all the bad stuff. The good stuff is a nutty sequence like the entrance of the Stink Monster or the hard working Soot Creatures or the old lady who turns into an old-lady-bird. I disagree with critics like Elvis Mitchell, Roger Ebert and Jurgen Fauth who consider this a brilliant movie, but I do think it is a worthy entertainment.

352) The Dinner Game (1998), Francis Veber, A
Absolutely hysterical. It’s movies like this that got me interested in movies. Only the French can have you rooting for a man to keep his wife and his mistress

351) Standing in the Shadows of Motown (2002), Paul Justman, D
A missed opportunity.

350) The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962), John Ford, B
I can’t rationally explain my admiration for John Ford/John Wayne westerns. In this one, he actually calls James Stewart "pilgrim." There’s a whole lotta doing the right thing in this one. And the eating of steak.

349) 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), Stanley Kubrick, A+
If presented in the proper setting it is an unequalled movie experience. There’s no other movie I know of that tackled these subjects. Part of the magic, yes, is being obscure. Every late night undergraduate argument about the meaning of this film is completely earned. I caught this tonight on TMC’s "Essentials" series, and it is well placed on that shelf. There were a few years in my life when I dismissed this movie, but I’m officially reversing myself. One basic example of how it "works" is this: I saw this very young on TV, too young to "get" in any concrete the discussion about Man and Nature and Machine and Transcendence and Blah Blah Blah, and still, although this is not a "scary movie," the imagery and aural textures had me up, oddly terrified, for nights.

348) Amores Perros (2000), Alejandro González Iñárritu, C-
What's Spanish for "overhyped?" Or, frankly, "gross?" I've had it up to here with movies that are really numerous short films smooshed together with forced coincidences to make a feature. I say "feh" to that! Of the three short films here, one is good (the model with her dog trapped under the floorboards of the apartment), one is unoriginal but well-played (the contract killer with a past), and one, the kid with the fighting-dog who loves his sister-in-law, is just awful. Not one -- not ONE --- of any of the characters in the entire picture is sympathetic. And it's an ugly picture. And two-and-one-half hours. Skip it. If you want to see Latin America in violent crises see "City of God" -- it has a social conscious.

347) Va Savoir? (2000), Jacques Rivette, C
An quirky-yet-somehow-boring bedroom melodrama that, in the last twenty minutes, decides to become a screwball comedy. I liked the last twenty minutes.

346) Rumble Fish (1983), Francis Ford Coppola, B
"West Side Story" meets Vidal Sassoon. An orgasm of technique and style and archetypes and myth. Mesmerizing at times, but it sure felt longer than 94 minutes.

345) Pollock (2002), Ed Harris, C+
He's a genius! He's a drunk! He's a bad driver!

344) Bloody Sunday (2002), Paul Greengrass, B+
Depressing. Even if it doesn't show any background, and suggests that every Irishman is a saint, it still makes me want to kick any Limey I see in his arse. Which, I'm sure, was the idea. The performances are terrific and the mock-doc style is a perfect choice, even if it felt, at times, like I was watching the History Channel. Which, again, I'm sure, was the idea. I will officially commit myself to seeing any movie James Nesbit is in; he was terrific, and watching him realize that non-violence doesn't work was heartbreaking. [Sidebar: Denise says that, perhaps, Nesbitt's will not ultimately lose faith in non-violence. That's what makes his performance so fascinating.]

343) Elephant (2003), Gus Van Sant, A
"Elephant" is among the most riveting experiences I’ve had in a cinema this year. A whole new film grammar is created. Expectations are shot down. The Peckinpah ending is done without slo-mo, without music, without emotion. The De Palma sequence, showing one instant from multiple perspectives, is a moment devoid of drama, an imposed sprout of warmth and humanity without context in a cold, cement institution. "Elephant" is the movie an observant kid makes in his mind fifteen times a day during high school. Some critics condemn it for trivializing Columbine. This movie isn’t about school shootings; I fully accept the notion that the killing spree at the end is symbolic. I don’t fall for that kind of talk easy, but here it is earned. This is the movie Steven Soderbergh almost made with "Solaris," it’s David Cronenberg’s "Stereo" with less talking. Gus Van Sant has grown into one of the finest recorders of the mundane, in that his images are never boring. I absolutely loved it and after admiring his "Gerry" from earlier this year, he has become, mid-career, one of my favorite filmmakers.

342) A Decade Under The Influence (2002), Richard LaGravanese and Ted Demme, C+
A so-so documentary about a topic that’s important to me. I found the footage and some of the interviews fun, but I don’t see this as really explaining 70s cinema to someone looking at this stuff for the first time. But, man, Julie Christie is still hot. She must have a fantastic plastic surgeon.

341) The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Peter Jackson, A-
Okay, so I’m a geek and I like this movie. The Ents are awesome and men on horses swinging steel turns me on, kill me. There are some drawbacks to this film a little. For one, it does seem drawn about a bit, and the digital creatures, while some of the best digital creatures yet created, do sometimes look like a colorform slapped on top of a film image. My other complaint is that the movie is a giant tangent. I felt like Milhous wondering when Itchy and Scratchy were going to get to the fireworks factory; shouldn’t we all be watching Frodo get to Mount Doom? The fight for Rohan is so secondary – if Frodo fails in his mission, what does any of this matter? And, dude, what the hell is up with the Rohan King? He is the worst leader ever. Viggo Mortenson and his crew wake him up from his evil spell and he hardly thanks them, just whines about fighting to save his people and gives the team a bunch of sass. What’s Mortenson and the Dwarf and the Elf’s motivation to stay there and fight? Rohan isn’t their country. The King is a dick and it has nothing to do with their principle voyage – what they formed the Fellowship for? Do these people all have short attention spans? But this is all quibbling. I like this movie and look forward to part three.

340) Cry Funny Happy (2003), Sam Neave, B-
Seven annoying New Yorkers throw a party and yell at each other in their best Casavettes voices. Not really original or insightful, but some really wild performances. Of note is Michael Traynor and Amy (daughter of Robert) Redford as two of the least likable characters I’ve ever seen in movie history. The great Darrill Rosen of "Ultrachrist!" fame is wonderfully funny in a role not that would be played by Stanley Tucci in the Hollywood version.

339) The Core (2003), John Amiel, B-
The first half is wonderful fun. Then it slips into traditional sucky action movie mode. Stanley Tucci is very funny.

338) You’re A Big Boy Now (1966), Francis Ford Coppola, B
I love 60s location footage of New York City. This is a goofy, well-meaning film about a lovable dorky young man and his amorous foibles. Imagine a less-heavy version of De Palma’s "Greetings" or James Toback’s "Fingers." Or a less funny version of Milos Forman’s "Taking Off." There’s a really cute dog in this. And a role Celia Montomery would have played much better. Cat Stevens is to "Harold and Maude" as John Sebastian is to this film. . .which is mostly a good thing.

337) Red River (1948), Howard Hawks, B
Here’s a good movie that really needs to be remade. Production realities of the day keep the story from really coming through, the whole man v. nature aspect of the cattle trail. Someone like Peter Weir ought to take a crack at it. Good stuff, though, even if the ending is completely asinine. To a politically active animal rights person, this movie must seem like a Holocaust film. "Good beef for hungry people. Beef to keep ‘em strong and make ‘em grow."

336) Cinemania (2003), Angela Christleib & Stephan Kijak, A-
I'm in no position to rate this movie without bias. At this point, I consider myself a full-blown acquaintance with Harvey, the giggly-est of the five part-admirable part-pitiable movie fanatics in this documentary. But I think even someone who hasn't pledged to watch 365 movies a year, or who hasn't schemed to fit a meal somewhere in an AMMI triple feature will dig this picture. I'm in one of the shots, in the background, only for a second, but it's me.

335) The Birds (1962), Alfred Hitchcock, A
This movie is about everything but killer birds. It’s hard to pull off one of these allegorical stories without seeming silly, but this one works. No one films people watching other people better than Hitchcock. "The Birds," kinda like "Close Encounters" just goes its own way and doesn’t stop until it leads to its own inevitable conclusion. Trying to summarize either picture makes them sound dumb. There are so many strange choices in "The Birds" that are just left there for you to chew on. Why do the birds make electronic sounds? Why are Tippy Hedren and Jessica Tandy kinda dressed the same, with the same hairstyle. Why does the dude keep calling his mom "dear" and "sweetheart?" This is a surrealist classic – as good as the best Kubrick.

334) She Wore a Yellow Ribbon (1949), John Ford, B+
A great yarn with fun performances. Another one celebrating fascism. In this one the women ride in the back of the column, the Irish are all drunks, illegal settlements are defended against a collectivized indegenous population and the Confederate flag is saluted. So. . .if you can stomach all this, you'll find yourself watching a very good picture.

333) Cleopatra (1963), Joseph L. Mankiewicz, C+
The rumours are true. Sets, costumes and pageantry like few other films on earth. The problem is that Mankiewicz never had time to write a script. Some sequences are okay, others are unbearable. The chief trouble is that none of the characters are approachable, much less likeable. No fault of the actors, most of which are fine (except Hume Cronyn.) The Richard Burton/Russell Crowe connection has been pointed out by others, yes? If one were to take the story seriously, one would have to condemn it. Whereas "Starship Troopers" wryly examines fascism, "Cleopatra" celebrates it.

332) Un Air de Famile (1996), Cederic Klapisch, A-
A gem. Wonderful characters, especially women characters -- a good follow-up to the 100% man-filled "Master & Commander." It is true, though, that if this were in English it wouldn't be quite as compelling. But it isn't in English.

331) Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003), Peter Weir, A
Awesome. If I'd known there were giant turtles in it, I'd've found a way to see it sooner. It doesn't quite have the epic scope of "Laurence of Arabia" but it has just as few speaking roles for women. The nitty gritty of life at sea is better depicted here than in any other nautical movie I've seen, I think. I loved the doctor and the one-armed kid (and Crowe, of course) but those were really the only developed characters. When the other ship is handed to the dude with the scar I'm sure that was supposed to move us in some way, but I didn't even know his name, even as the crew was "hip hip hooray-ing" him. But that is nit-picking. A great love story between science and muscle -- it deserves its upcoming Oscar for best picture. Hope Weir stays on the for the sequel.

330) Elf (2003), Jon Favreau, B+
Will Ferrell is a goddamned riot. The script is as sharp as a diamond stylus. Some scenes are flat -- the brother and g.f. relationships especially—but anyone not singing at the end to keep Santa’s sled aloft is crippled inside. Some scenes in Elf are taken straight out of Ultrachrist!

329) Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977), Steven Spielberg, A
This is a movie about obsession. And it freaked the hell out of me as a kid. I was even terrified of the font. This is a surprisingly elliptical story for a blockbuster. There’s a lot that’s left unexplained and, um, the main character abandons his wife and kids.

328) The Purple Rose of Cairo (1985), Woody Allen, A+ One of the best, ever. I wrote a paper about this in college.

327) The Grey Zone (2002), Tim Blake Nelson, A-
"Blaming the Victim: The Movie." Seriously, one of the most depressing things I’ve seen in a while. Nelson attempts the impossible, to film the moral universe inside concentration camps. His setting, the 12th Sonderkommando of Auschwitz, who staged a somewhat-successful uprising, is fascinating and disturbing. (Why he didn’t pick the slightly-more successful uprising at Treblinka is curious.) Anyway, I don’t think all the notes are hit correctly here, and if you come to this movie with little knowledge of how concentration camps operated this movie may be lost on you. Still, just when I think I am ready to ask for a moratorium on Holocaust films, along comes this film or "The Pianist" to rework the genre – if you can call it a genre. I’m not able to put my finger exactly what cinematic techniques make "The Grey Zone" so sharp (short of letting the actors speak with American accents) but there’s something. Certainly seeing a character named Hoffman hailing from Budapest working and dying at Auschwitz – pretty much all I know about many members of my father’s father’s side of the family -- added a layer of personal intensity I could have done without.

326) Risk (1994), Diedre Fishel, F
Shit sandwich. I’m sure the Danes were watching indie films like this when they realized they had to invent Dogme 95.

325) The Devil at 4 O’Clock (1961), Mervin LeRoy, C-
You’d think a movie about a remote children’s hospital fleeing an erupting volcano would be exciting, wouldn’t you? There’s a lot of preaching, literally, in this alleged adventure picture. How Frank Sinatra wound up in the South Seas I’d still like to know. The Michener-esque prologue presents some mildly interesting characters but that movie gets forgotten 30 minutes in.

324) Eye of God (1997), Tim Blake Nelson, A-
Terrific. This simple, nearly predictable story is made mesmerizing through great performances, dialogue, tricky intercutting and tone. The ending had me cheering – not in a "Rocky" way, but in a victory for humble aesthetics. Movies on religious themes are hard to make work. Movies about domestic violence are hard to make work. Movies based on plays are hard to make work. Nelson slammed this out of the park.

323) The Hitcher (1986), Robert Harmon, C+
Part Hitchcock "Wrong Man" suspense picture, part-"Mad Max." Unfortunately, the transitions between the two are quite jarring, making the whole movie, for me, preposterous. Fun beginning, though.

322) Shattered Glass (2003), Billy Ray, C+
"Portrait of a Bullshit Artist as a Young Man." Everybody loves this movie but me. I thought it slightly-better-than-OK. The performances were good and some of the sequences nice and tense, but it just didn’t hit me too much on a gut level. I recommend it for people who used to read Inside.com. PS – I am now officially suffering from Chloe Sevigny fatigue.

321) Ed Wood (1994), Tim Burton, A+
What struck my in ’94, and hit me again this time, is just how inspiring this movie is. This is as loving a portrait of and individual fighting the Man as any Jack Nicholson picture from the 70s. But here’s what’s amazing: it does not totally reject taking cheap shots at Wood’s lack-of-professionalism and transvestism. It is a funny, moving, exciting and left Ann and I filled with that warm glow only the best of movies leave you with. You don’t have to’ve seen Wood’s pictures to love this movie, but it helps. "Let’s shoot this fucka!"

320) Training Day (2001), Antoine Fuqua, C
The first half of this movie was great. The second half SUCKED! Let’s split the difference and give it a gentleman’s "C". Question: How is it Denzel gets the best actor nod, and Ethan Hawke is nominated for best supporting actor? Hawke is in every scene, more scenes than Denzel and is, indeed, the hero of the picture? I’m not dismissing Denzel’s nod (he’s terrific) but I don’t understand how Hawke wasn’t in the same category. Well, anyway, Oscar awards have always been puzzling.

319) Adelheid (1969), Frantisek Vlacil, C
I bet this woulda been a good book. It should have been a book. A Czech officer is placed at a Nazi’s mansion after the war to take inventory and falls for the maid, who turns out to be the Nazi’s daughter. But imagine this scenario done REALLY SLOWLY. I’m not adverse to slow movies, for a purpose. But I get the impression that the filmmaker just wanted to use all his footage.

318) The Man With the Golden Arm (1955), Otto Preminger, B-
Oy, is this dated. But pretty engrossing. Mostly good.

317) Alien (1979), Ridley Scott, A
There’s nothing not 100% innovative in this film. Visually, it almost all holds up 24 years later, a truly remarkable feat. And there’s a lot of great detail – I’m so glad I saw this in the theater. It has inspired not only every sci-fi movie since, but every video game. Story-wise, it is just a monster movie, yes, but there are good characters that a quickly and well defines and there is this whole world and mythology going on under the surface that’s only hinted at. How many monster movies leave three people actually DISCUSSING the movie afterwards?

316) The Good Girl (2002), Miguel Arteta, A-
Wonderful observations. The central character is a little far-fetched (why, if she grew up and lives in the same environment as everyone else, is she the only non-idiot) but it is all very engaging.

315) Sex, Lies & Videotape (1989), Steven Soderbergh, A-
Looking at it now, this movie not only changed American cinema, it had a real impact on "The National Dialogue" (to use a phrase I hate.) Amazing, as this is, at heart, just a micro story of four dysfunctional people. But there is genius lurking under there. I’m a major Soderbergh zealot now, especially with HBO’s "K Street," so I’m very forgiving of the few overwritten patches.

314) Undercover Brother (2002), Malcolm D. Lee, B+
Very, very, very, very funny scenes. Story is asinine, draggy and even a little annoying. But some holy shit hilarious let-me-rewind-that moments. Colin Powell selling fried chicken nearly made me lose my proverbial shit. John Ridley (of "Three Kings") is a very talented man.

313) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003), Donald Petrie, D
Cinematic equivalent of nails on chalkboard. This movie was forced on me as I rode a bus. One does not watch a movie with headsets on a bus. One watches a movie whether one wants to or not. To see obnoxious women act MORE obnoxious – this is not my cup of tea. Bebe Neuwirth’s cameo makes some scenes tolerable.

312) Chuck and Buck (2000), Miguel Arteta, A-
Here’s to taking an idea and running with it! Great stuff.

311) Kaaterskill Falls (2001), Josh Apter and Peter Olsen, A-
Here’s one of my favorite micro-budget micro-masterpieces. A testament to mood, smart performances and cinema at its most basic: voyeurism. Whenever you think you know where this movie is going it changes on you, but always coming from a realistic decision. Completely unique.

310) Meet The Parents (2000), Jay Roach, B
Entertaining.

309) The Ninth Gate (1999), Roman Polanski, B+
This had to be financed outside the US. It is, basically, pro-Satan! It’s about a young man’s journey toward Satanism, without comeuppance! And fun, too! Who knew? Not quite "Rosemary’s Baby" or "The Tenant," but still a high quality spooker uniquely told.

308) Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959), Edward D. Wood, Jr, "A"
You’ll see the grade is in quotes. But unlike "Bride of the Monster," which is just flabbergastingly bad, or "Glen or Glenda," which is an embarrassing train wreck, "Plan 9" has a warm, joyous quality most bad-good movies don’t offer. It actually is fun repeated viewing. Even alone and stone cold sober it’s great, and that’s saying something. Truly worthy of its infamy and hype.

307) Cool Hand Luke (1967), Stuart Rosenberg, A
Here’s something funny. I saw this movie when I was, I dunno, eleven years old. And I enjoyed it. Yet somehow, in my memory, I had changed Luke’s instigating crime to breaking open parking meters and stealing the money inside. When you’re a relatively well-adjusted kid, I guess, you can’t quite understand the need to stand up to the Man. If Luke was busting those parking meters for money, the whole point of this movie would be ruined. This movie is fantastic.

306) Little Buddha (1993), Bernardo Bertolucci, F
I knew this was supposed to be bad, but I didn’t know it would be THIS preposterously awful. Why are there not midnight screenings of this alongside "Showgirls"? The kid in this makes the kid from "The Phantom Menace" look like Lawrence Olivier. Add the inept Chris Isaac and the confounding Keanu Reeves and you have quite a trio. Usually you can count on Bertolucci for great visual style, but I found the color saturation sequences obnoxious and unearned. It also is offensive to Buddhists – presenting them as happy hocus-pocus artists (what’s Tibetan for Uncle Tom?) This movie is so annoying it makes me think the Tibetans are lucky Red China took them over – even Maoism has to be a step up. (Upon reflection, I wasn’t all that jazzed about "Kundun" either. Can someone recommend a good movie pertaining to Buddhism?)

305) Thelonious Monk: Straight, No Chaser (1989), Charlotte Zwerin, B
Great performances, but odd approach. Half-verite, half-traditional doc. I’m not sure that someone completely new to Monk would "get" what it was all about just from watching this. But, from an enjoyment factor, I loved it.

304) School of Rock (2003), Richard Linklater, A
I used to think I hated Jack Black. And while he still delivers most of his lines like a (shudder) slam poet, this movie is filled with such joy and fun that you have to be insane not to like it. When Black takes his celebratory stage dive at the end, I admit, I was a little choked up. The cheers go, as well, to the wonderful supporting cast, Mike White’s no bullshit script (he knows his rock PLUS he sells a child molestation joke!) and, ultimately, Linklater for keeping a story that takes place, essentially, in one room always moving. If one had to look for faults one could say that it lacked visual nuance – and with the faces of the kids, there was a lot of opportunity – but I guess they wanted to stray as far from the "Adventures of Pete and Pete/Malcolm in the Middle" look. Odd that the only TV shows allowed to use a wide angle lens are kids shows.

303) Mystic River (2003), Clint Eastwood, B+
Kevin Bacon, Tim Robbins and Sean Penn are outstanding performers. Too bad the material they have is merely good, not great. Some truly memorable sequences, though. But poor choices in the third act, from the script down to the editing and music.

302) Madame White Snake (1963), Shiro Toyoda, C-
Chinese folk myths about a love-struck witch. Shot in the style of Powell and Pressburger. Fun to look at, but a considerable bore.

301) Japanese War Bride (1952), King Vidor, C+
Hardcore 50s melodrama. It means well, but its inadvertent racism and sexism (and overwrought acting) render it only worthy as kitsch.

300) Lumiere and Company (1995), Various Directors, B-
40 international auteurs make a 53-second film with the Lumiere Bros.’ original camera. Some are gems, some are baffling. Zhang Yimou, Claude Lelouch, Cederic Klapisch and David Lynch’s are best. Overall, a neat idea, but interviews with the filmmakers (which is over half the running time of the movie) are dull.

299) Conan the Destroyer (1984), Richard Fleischer, B
Better production values and (ahem) story than the first "Conan," but not as much sex or gore. Such are the trade-offs in life. Where else can one see Grace Jones, Wilt Chamberlain and the Governor of California hit rubber monsters with sticks and hammers? In no way better or worse than the "Lord of the Rings" series.

298) Piranha (1978), Joe Dante, B
Nothing but entertaining. To note: all the women are either mammoth-bosomed mutes, evil, or knucklehead dolts who inadvertently end the world. Plus Paul Bartel in tight fitting clothes! "Fish genetics is a small field."

297) In The Line of Fire (1993), Wolfgang Peterson, A-
A very good movie, but a fucking awesome screenplay. It’s built like a Mies van der Rohe skyscraper. Some of the fights with the stupid chief are a little too "McGarnigle" to take seriously, but switch the irony-appreciation lever to "on" and those scenes (plus those of the doomed rookie partner talking about walking his kid to school) and it just sings.

296) 8 Mile (2002), Curtis Hanson, B+
The rap battles are amazing, the rest is mostly good. A lot better than it had to be. Eminem should cut and run; he can’t top this. I had to watch this with the DVD subtitles on to decipher the Ebonics. Am I so out of touch?

295) Pal Joey (1957), George Sidney, A-
Sinatra, Rogers & Hart, Nelson Riddle, tuxedos, furnished rooms, a yapping terrier. Is there anything not to like in this movie? Well, feminists might find this a touche offensive.

294) Monday Night Mayhem (2002), Ernest R. Dickerson, B
Quite possibly the least important movie ever made. But entertaining. John Turturro as Howard Cosell is priceless.

293) Vertigo (1958), Alfred Hitchcock, B+
Themes! Symbols! Psychology! This color-rich Vista-Vision classic is hailed by theorists and Truffaut as one of the greatest movies ever. And it is good. But it is SO of its time. True classics, "Citizen Kane," "Casablanca," "Sunset Blvd." don’t need allowances for being "of their time." The redwoods, the Golden Gate, the green neon sign, Kim Novak’s hair, Bernard Hermann’s score are all extraordinarily beautiful – but the dialogue is awful and many of the scenes lag with some serious yak yak yak. Call me a sinner, but after some long thought I give "Vertigo" a B+

292) Stealing Beauty (1996), Bernardo Bertolucci, A-
There are goalposts a mile wide through which to kick footballs of criticism, but anyone who even remembers being a romantic teenager should fall for this movie. Writing poetry on scraps of paper and lighting them on fire? Forming deep relationships with intellectuals a generation older than you after talking with them for only fifteen minutes? Skinny dipping? This movie has it all! Plus (and who knew it at the time?) a soundtrack that really screams mid-90s.

291) Grateful Dawg (2000), Gillian Grisman, D
Superficial documentary on a potentially great subject: the collaborations of David Grisman and Jerry Garcia. Shot with less insight and panache than your average VH-1 half-hour special. Literally 50% of the film is talking head footage of musicians ass-kissing the late Jerry Garcia for taking 10 minutes out of his schedule to play jazzy-bluegrass with them.

290) Quai Des Orfevres (1947), Henri-Georges Clouzot, A-
Rich crime/melodrama. Lots of colorful characters and situations. Plot meanders a bit. But much fun.

289) The Bible. . .In The Beginning (1966), John Huston, F
Awful. The animals on Noah’s Ark are cool. I hope Dino De Laurentiis cut Huston a nice fat check.

288) Sans Soliel (1983), Chris Marker, A
I’ve seen 3 of Marker’s films and all of them are wildly different. This film, with no beginning, no end and no one-line summary, is at time frustrating, yes, but at other times reaches such heights of transcendence that it made me sweat. The film takes the Jonas Mekas approach – a collection of home-made images with voice-over narration – but Marker’s touch is more like "Fast, Cheap & Out of Control" meets "Koyaanisqatsi" meets "Lost in Translation." An absolute marvel about the universal themes of time, memory and perception – while enlightening, on the surface, on 80s Japan and Guinea.

287) Air Force One (1997), Wolfgang Peterson, B
A great idiotic movie. Serve with extra large bag of popcorn. Harrison Ford really says "Get off my plane!" (A lot of people put themselves, or their fighter jets, in front of projectiles, sacrificing themselves for the Pres. In the context of the movie, we’re to take them as heroes – but all I could do was think of G.W.B and think, "Man, if ever a time for a secret serviceman to quit their post is now!)

286) Intolerable Cruelty (2003), Coen Bros., A
Fun! Fun, fun, fun! Zippy, dippy, loony (well, not THAT loony) but, heck, perfect fun. Smiles lasted for hours. Did I mention fun?

285) Kill Bill, Volume One (2003), Quentin Tarantino, C+
A little boring, a little gruesome, but when it is cookin’, it’s quite neat. I don’t recommend this as a movie, I recommend it (somewhat) as spectacle. I put it on the same curiosity shelf as, say, "The Blair Witch Project." The more distance between me and this movie, the sillier/lamer it becomes.

284) Two-Lane Blacktop (1971), Monte Hellman, D+
Dull, damned dull. Warren Oates’ philosophizing is good, though. And a very cool promotional poster.

283) They Live (1988), John Carpenter, A-
Of course! The GOP is actually aliens! This insane film has breathtaking sequences – like the two buddies that fight (and fight and fight) in an alley because one won’t borrow the other’s sunglasses. 85% of the time I was convinced Roddy Piper was, in fact, the worst leading male actor in history – and then he’ll open his mouth and just NAIL a moment so beautifully you want to stand up and cheer. His delivery, whether intentional or not, is completely unpredictable. "They Live" also ranks as one of the great movies incorporating dream logic. Ever have one of those dreams when you are on to government conspiracy, but you can’t tell anyone ‘cause you are in the midst of a WWF-style battle royale with your buddy in an alley?

282) Dil to Pagal Hai (1997), Yash Chopra, B
An absolutely giddy Bollywood musical about a group of wacky kids putting on a show and having weddings. While utterly lacking a central conflict or anything resembling a pithy script, it is more than made up for is unabashed exuberance. Recommended as a solid intro to the genre.

281) Conan the Barbarian (1982), John Milius, C+
Lots of helmets. As the film progresses, the axes and hammers keep getting bigger. James Earl Jones looks terrifying with that wig on. Story-wise, this is a bit of a bore, but it made me realize what element’s been missing in the "Lord of the Rings" series: nudity!! Can’t Peter Jackson throw is an orgy or at least a sexy blonde in tight leather is part three?

280) The Handmaid’s Tale (1990), Volker Schlondorff, A-
Good stuff. Financed outside the US (because it dare suggest the Bible does not make for a good Constitution) and the low-budget sometimes shows. No doubt the book has lots of groovy backstory that is only hinted at here. Still, the Taliban meets GOP is eerie, and not that far-fetched. Good performances, great tone, gets you thinking.

279) King of Kings (1961), Nicholas Ray, B+
Quality Jesus epic. Whereas "The Greatest Story Ever Told" bores with sweeping outdoor vistas, "King of Kings" delights with ungapatchka sets, decorations and surprisingly not-laughable performances. That Salome was a stone cold fox. Rip Torn delivers a very sympathetic portrayal as Judas Iscariot.

278) From Here to Eternity (1953), Fred Zinneman, C
Soap opera.

277) Belle de Jour (1967), Luis Bunuel, B-
The film that launched a thousand late-night Cinemax features. Not my favorite Bunuel.

276) Road to Perdition (2002), Sam Mendes, B-
For every two good things in this film there’s one bad thing. Lighting, sets, costumes & Thomas Newman’s score are awesome. Everything else has flaws. Who else is ready to ask for a moratorium on movies based on comic books?

275) The Right Stuff (1983), Philip Kaufman, A+
One of the ten best movies ever made. The ending rivals "Casablanca." I tear up every time at the same moments. Also, one of the rare examples of the movie being better than the book. What makes this film so unique is that it somehow manages to be ironic and reverential at the same time. How this is done is an absolute mystery. More of a mystery is how an intellectual movie with no main character, no clearly specified conflict and no traditional three-act structure is embraced enough by the masses to have a ride named after it at Six Flags Great Adventure. I want Bill Conti’s score playing at my funeral as my ashes are shot out of a rocket. Ambulance Driver to Ridley: "I think I see something, is that a man?" Ridley to Ambulance Driver: "You’re damn right it is!"

274) Copenhagen (2002), Howard Davies, C
No doubt this worked on the stage. This adaptation, though, is a drag. And, it doesn’t really get into the math of Heisenberg and Bohr. Seriously, the best parts in it are when they are discussing equations! I can so do without ever seeing Stephen Rea in anything ever again.

273) Black Hawk Down (2001), Ridley Scott, B+
Surprise! I found myself involved in this movie more than I would have predicted. I expected "Rambo," and while this is hardly "The Thin Red Line" or "Apocalypse Now," it is not just bullets and Hu-ah! I actually found this less jingoistic than "Saving Private Ryan." I see why Ang Lee cast Eric Bana in "The Hulk." He’s going to put in a star turn in something some day. I wish the film wasn’t packed with so many images of good guy whites shooting bad guy blacks, but I guess that’s how it happened. Of course, ten seconds on the Internet and you can find any number of folks who’ll tell you this movie is a propaganda white-wash. I don’t know enough about Somalia to comment on that. However, you’d think G. W. B. would have watched this to see what happens when US forces go into hostile Muslim territory without United Nations’ approval . . .

272) Tunes of Glory (1960), Ronald Neame, A-
Neame and Alec Guinness’ follow-up to "The Horse’s Mouth." A plucky, Scottish man-o-the-people is demoted to second banana when an Oxford-educated new Colonel comes to the barracks. Guinness and John Mills lock horns in this witty and bracing class struggle. Big issues are thrown about, but still there’s time for everyone to don a kilt and do a lot of dancing. Kind’ve "Bridge on the River Kwai" meets "Footloose." It may be the most British thing I’ve ever seen. The idiotic ending doesn’t spoil it. A real gem.

271) Bollywood/Hollywood (2003), Deepa Mehta, D+
Well-intended, but pretty poor. Better than "My Big Fat Greek Wedding."

270) My Beautiful Laundrette (1985), Stephen Frears, B-
To quote a certain Columbia University professor of TV, Media and Culture, "I admire the technique, but it just doesn’t hit me on a gut level." I totally understand why this was a sensation in Thatcherite Britain and further recognize the effect it has had on independent cinema. Still, wouldn’t want to sit through it again.

269) Bride of the Monster (1955), Edward D. Wood, Jr., C
Completely inept on every level. In the right context, this is welcome. Ed Wood deserves his rep as the second worst filmmaker after Joel Schumacher. The props (especially the presence of a refrigerator in the mad scientist’s lab) are a hoot. And the acting. And staging. And story, what little is there. Still, not the balls-to-the-wall insanity of some of Ed Wood’s other films. This is insanity on a smaller scale – even if it does end with atomic explosions.

268) Wild Wheels & Driving the Dream (1993 & 1998), Harrod Blank, A-
It’s so easy to make documentaries about kooky people fun and interesting. It is a reason to celebrate when they create a feeling of joy and inspiration. Harrod (son of Les) Blank focuses his hourlong "Wild Wheels" and half-hourlong follow-up "Driving the Dream" on people who are compelled to decorate and make art out of their functioning cars. What so easily could have been a freak show collection turns into a meditation of desire, dissatisfaction, inquiry, frustration and community. And, Jesus, you have to see these cars!

267) A Face in the Crowd (1957), Elia Kazan, A
Who knew people were this cynical in 1957?!? Makes a good trifecta with "All The King’s Men" and "The Sweet Smell of Success." This one is probably the most innovative. Lee Remick’s baton-twirling sequence is one of the sickest moments captured on film. I’d never seen this deservedly heralded classic before, and two days after I catch it, the director drops dead!

266) Lost, Lost, Lost (1976), Jonas Mekas, A-
About as good as non-narrative, first-person cinema can get. Lyric, moody, ultimately fascinating. So much of its success, I admit, is due to Mekas’ eastern-European accent. 3 hours of fractured images and not-necessarily associative voice-over, yet, somehow, never boring.

265) Rites of Passage (1999), Victor Salva, F
Oh, dear god. When better to confront your father for not accepting your homosexuality than when escaped convicts are holding you all captive in a lakeside cabin?

264) Thief (1981), Michael Mann, A-
Fantastic guy movie. Slick, relentless, nihilistic. The Michael Mann look is in effect, yet all the thievery is low-tech. In pure cinematic terms, it is "2001" of tough-guy movies. And those Tangerine Dream synthesizers!!

263) Lost in Translation (2003), Sofia Coppola, A-
A simple, sweet movie. It’s hard to make rich people staring off into space feeling bummed into compelling drama, but this movie pulls it off. Note to directors: Scarlett Johanson in see-thru pink panties = good filmmaking.

262) Anything Else (2003), Woody Allen, B+ Woody’s best since "Sweet and Lowdown," but, yes, miles from his many, many homeruns. If you were to watch this right after, say, "Hannah and Her Sisters" it would be like drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth. There are some howler moments, though, and it is fun to see Woody cast himself in very much of a supporting role. Sadly, Jason Biggs isn’t ready for prime time. He stumbles through his dialogue, sounding like a kid in a school play. Part of this may be Woody’s fault – knowing what we do about his work ethic he probably didn’t bother to direct him. Christina Ricci is so annoying you want to strangle her – just as the character is supposed to be.

261) Caligula (1979), Tinto Brass & Bob Guccione, C As historical epic, it fails. As porno, it is modestly successful. As high camp, it has some wonderful moments. If you want to see a Helen Mirren beaver shot, this should be your first stop.

260) American Splendor (2003), Shari Springer Berman and Robert Pulcini, C-
As this movie ended I was kinda stunned. I kept waiting for the story to start. This was supposed to be about the plight of the everyman – but I wasn’t feeling it. Or maybe it was about the media’s manipulation of fringe personalities. But I wasn’t feeling that either. All I felt was, "that’s it?" Giamatti’s performance is a good charicature, but to what end? What does this movie want? What is it trying to get us to feel? Just because something breaks the fourth wall or is based on a comic book does not mean it is innovative. Bringing in the "real" Harvey Pekar brought what little momentum the movie had to a grinding halt. Since I am the only person on earth who didn’t like this movie (97% approval on Rotten Tomatoes), I’ll rant on. Harvey Pekar just isn’t that interesting!! And, the fact that Harvey Pekar is real, makes it even LESS interesting! A tet-a-tet with Letterman? That’s the emotional apex of a movie? I’m a little baffled by the universal praise this movie received. I didn’t hate it, I wasn’t bored, but I come away from it neutral. maybe even a little neutral minus. There were some funny jokes, mainly the nerd sidekick, but they were cheap "Saturday Night Live" jokes. Go rent "Ghost World." My bet is people are liking this so much because it kinda reminds them of the characters from "Ghost World," who were fleshed out, innovative and endearing.

259) My Life With Morrissey (2003), Andrew Overtoon, A-
A great midnight movie. A bouncy zaftig pixie who loves Morrissey slowly goes insane. Captures the spirit of John Waters more than the last five John Waters projects. No, you don’t have to know much about Morrissey to get it. (Interesting note – did you know Morrissey has a huge Latino following? Who knew!)

258) This Girl’s Life (2003), Ash, C-
Lots of good nudity. Lots of bad dialogue and James Woods trying his best to get nominated for something. Looks fantastic, though.

257) Hard Eight (1996), P. T. Anderson, A-
Film acting students should take notes from Philip Baker Hall, John C. Reilly and Gwyneth Paltrow. Remarkable, riveting performances make up for a story that is ultimately thin and one-dimensional. Anderson’s first film and it, too, employs the technique of THE MOMENT – when something baffling is happening but it is supposed to be meaningful ("Magnolia" –frogs, "Boogie Night" – Night Ranger and bang snaps.) Here it involves Philip Seymour Hoffman in a mullet.

256) Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003), Robert Rodriguez, B
A plot so difficult you need a Thomas Guide, and not one truly jaw-dropping action sequence. That said, yes, the rumors are true: Johnny Depp can do no wrong and this may be his craziest and best performance ever. The man is an absolute treasure; I’ll probably rent this movie on DVD just to watch his antics again. (Oddly, Mickey Rourke plays the same character here as in "Masked and Anonymous.")

255) Cabin Fever (2003), Eli Roth, B+
The comedy parts had me in stitches. The gross moments had me cringing. But the dark, nasty elements, which some critics are heralding as cross-genre genius, had me scratching my head. It’s just not my cup of tea. Still, it is better than The Phantom Menace or Bats. A noble first film by a funny, funny man.

254) The Truth (2002), Rajesh Sheth, C
How’s this for a logline? Pot-smoking undertaker in rural India raises sheltered daughter who goes into a catatonic hippie-dance each time she hears the sounds of a funeral procession. It’s not a comedy. And it’s not unwatchable either.

253) Demonlover (2003), Olivier Assayas, D+
I love to look at well-photographed hotel lobbies. Went to a whole exhibit on this at the Smithsonian with my girlfriend. It’s not enough, however, to keep me interested in a movie. For that I need a screenplay that makes sense. This film is bad, but has a second life as sound-free wallpaper in a trendy bar.

252) Ocean’s Eleven (2001), Steven Soderbergh, B+
I really liked this when I saw it in the theaters. This time I noticed quite a few plot holes and sneaky script maneuvers. Still, it is harmless fun. If you can’t get into certain sequences, there’s something wrong with you. Certain sequences, also, foreshadow the upcoming "42nd and Bombay."

251) Walkabout (1971), Nicolas Roeg, B+
I prefer "Zabriskie Point." I sure hope the girl was 18 when they shot this. Anyway, a beautiful, pretentious movie. (With a handful of baffling scenes.)

250) The Magellan Cycle, Part IV: The Death of Magellan (1972-1979), Hollis Frampton, D
For those of you who think Stan Brakhage is too commercial. In one hour and forty minutes of associative images, we found only fifteen or so interesting enough to keep us from realizing how sore our asses were in those shoddy Anthology Film Archives seats. For avant-garde films that come in "cycles," I’ll stick with the well-funded Matthew Barney, thank you.

249) THX 1138 (1971), George Lucas, B+
Future Shock: The Movie! The plot is razor thin and there is really only one conventional "scene," but the design and photography are incredible. I used to go around bragging this was Lucas’ best movie. I’ll take that back now – "American Graffiti" surely is. Still, if the "Clockwork Orange"/"Shivers" look is for you, then chase down a screening of this movie. I watched this with a big fat late-60s institutional infrastructure grin. And my first comment was, without irony, "such a use of negative space!" Plus, keep your ears open for sound design to be repeated in "Star Wars."

248) Uzumaki (2000), Higuchinsky, B-
Insane horror movie where people get killed in odd "spiral-related" ways. (Uzumaki is Japanese for spiral.) Part Cronenberg, part "Heathers", part something I’ve never seen before. It makes no sense at all, and the non-gross out/creepy scenes are shot like a "Power Rangers" episode, but I couldn’t turn away.

247) The Greatest Story Ever Told (1965), George Stevens, D
Cinema as endurance test. This movie gives epics a bad name. Three-plus hours of some gorgeous scenery and painterly composition; then some of the worst performances on screen. It was obvious to me about five minutes in, when I was asked to buy Claude Raines as King Herod I, that I knew I was in for disaster. Too bad this picture is too boring to be camp (despite Jamie Farr playing an Apostle and Spock’s Dad as some prince.) Stevens and Max von Sydow give us a Jesus devoid of any humanity. It’s interesting, as other movies of this time that keep J.C. as a periphery character (like "The Robe" or "Barrabas") actually manage to present some level of spirituality, as well as being enjoyable films. Jose Ferrer does put in a good performance, but, frankly, Ferrer could read the phone book and it would be gripping. Lucky for us all, Charlton Heston’s insane performance as John the Baptist (looking about as hairy as a damned dirty ape) is early, so if you wanted to rent if for this you could. If you make it to the end (I mentioned 3 and 1/2 hours?) you have my respect!

246) Francesco (1989), Liliana Cavani, D
Someone ought to make a movie about St. Francis of Assisi, I said. Then I learned this movie existed. So I’ll alter my statement. Someone ought to make a GOOD movie about St. Francis of Assisi. You wanna see 2 hours of Mickey Rourke (!) in a robe, this is the place to come. Vangelis’ score makes for unintentional hilarity. A bad movie all around.

245) Open Range (2003), Kevin Costner, A-
The dialogue is on the nose, but, you know, some people do talk like this – like our President, for example. Cut a few bloody frames from this picture and it could have been made in 1953. A movie for the Bush administration, filled with pre-emptive strikes, redemption with God after an indiscrete young adulthood, and a moment where it looks like they’ll smoke ‘em out of their holes.

244) No Such Thing (2002), Hal Hartley, C-
Hartley’s worst. I hope he hasn’t lost it. Some okay moments and typically great one-liners, but the central characters are one-dimensional. Disappointing.

243) Lemonade Joe (1964), Oldrich Lipsky, C
Remember those SCTV movie parodies that were more weird than funny? That’s what this musical-western satire made in communist Czechoslovakia is like. Some sequences are like the Carol Burnett show, others are typical of odd Czech mixed-media new wave. A wild curio. Impossible to watch all 87 minutes in one sitting, though.

242) Buena Vista Social Club (1999), Wim Wenders, A
To quote myself on 6/19/99: "A one hundred and eighteen minute reminder of why cameras and microphones were invented. It is a concert film; it is a personal document; it is an ethnographic film; it is a travelogue; it is a political film; it is a nostalgia piece; it is a time capsule; it is a marketing tool to squeeze a few more units out of an already widely successful CD; it is a love letter; it is made up as it goes along; it is based on stories and songs generations old. It is Wim Wenders' best film, no minor comment." I don’t know if it actually is Wenders’ best. "Wings of Desire" deserves a second viewing. I will say, though, that one notices the video aspects more on DVD than at the theater. This would look so much nicer on 35.

241) A Night at The Opera (1935), Sam Wood, A
I don’t think I go two days without quoting this movie. It is absolutely essential. This is the fertile crescent of comedy you laugh at from the smart part of your brain. No Groucho, no Homer.

240) The King of Comedy (1983), Martin Scorsese, A
So freaking ahead of its time it is scary. Someone ought to cast De Niro and Sandra Bernhardt as a comic duo again. A fascinating movie; Marty’s best movie where no one gets shot.

239) The End of the Affair (1999), Neil Jordan, D
Neil Jordan takes Graham Greene’s scenario and serves up a piece of rotten fish. The usually sublime Julianne Moore shares some of the blame. I won’t fall in love with her just because she shows her tits. It seems like Moore and Jordan hedged all their bets on the permissiveness of today’s "R" rating. Huffing and puffing don’t make up for bad performances. (See "Last Tango in Paris" for how to do this well.) A haunting score by Michael Nyman keeps this from getting the "F."

238) Titanic (1997), James Cameron, B-
To answer your question, no, I’d never seen "Titanic" before. I decided to do it after listening to Cameron speak intelligently on the "Solaris" commentary track. I know it’s the most popular movie ever made, but all I can come up with is, "not bad." The 20 minute prologue, though, is unbearable. The dialogue is just atrocious. Watch it with the closed-captioning and you’ll see – everything is right there on the nose. And that old woman! Horrible! The first interesting moment happens a full 40 minutes in (when Kate Winslet threatens to drown herself.) The next section, the upstairs/downstairs moony-eyed "first lovers" bit is so-so, with a few very good sequences. Winslet is beautiful and Billy Zane is very entertaining. Then the action stuff. I dunno. . .I get kinda queasy watching people panic and then freeze to death. Lots of faceless people suffering. I guess this is the "important" part of the story, but it somehow didn’t feel "earned." Maybe I’m crazy, but all I kept thinking about was how horrible this event was for so many people and because of it Leonardo DiCaprio spent most of the late 90s running around Tribeca getting laid. Made me a little sick. This section, though, was the most engaging section – so I’m thinking, why not just do away with the other stuff and go for a disaster movie? (But it was the other stuff that had the 13 year old girls seeing this 10 times in the theaters.) Anyway, for my money, I’ll stick with "The Poseidon Adventure." Interesting note: I did fall asleep midway through. I had a dream/nightmare that I was on the ‘Titanic" as it was sinking. This was far more engaging or horrifying than what was on the screen. But after all that, Hoffman’s ultimate take on "Titanic," if he were Ebert or Roeper (I’ll let you guess which one) would be thumbs up. The sweetness of the performances and the overall setting secures this.

237) The End of the Affair (1955), Edward Dmytryk, B
Great performances and some very good sequences. Dmytryk lacks a visual agenda; he may as well be directing radio. Still, a good yarn. Surprising for its time. I look forward to seeing the 1999 version.

236) The End of St. Petersberg (1927), Vsevolod Pudovkin, A-
Man, the Tsar sucked. He sure had it coming when the workers stopped producing carbon rods. This is as good as silent Soviet cinema gets. And, yes, that is saying something. A "minus" for some repetitive sequences.

235) Earth (1930), Aleksandr Dovzhenko, B
"We Will Prosper With Tractors!" A tractor comes to a collective farm. Men with beards rejoice. Landowners scowl. Speeches are made. Shots of flowing wheat meadows are intercut with ripe fruits and vegetables. Not quite the engaging classic I was hoping for, but some nice moments.

234) Solaris (2002), Steven Soderbergh, B-
How amazing is it that this experimental art film was, for one weekend at least, playing in every multiplex in America? There are long sequences of pure silent cinema, avant-garde editing, in-camera lighting, etc. Then there are just some long sequences. I find this version easier to swallow than the Tarkovsky version. Only watch this late at night.

233) The Lady From Shanghai (1947), Orson Welles, B+
Purists like to poo-poo this movie, but I find it incredibly good fun. The hammock, aquarium and crazy-house scenes are just fantastic.

232) Black Cat, White Cat (1998), Emir Kusturica, B+
When I get drunk I get loud, clumsy, gassy and, ultimately, incoherent. That’s what this movie is. Lacking the rage found in "Underground," this tangential screwball comedy has a lot of insane gypsies doing outlandish things. I can’t not recommend it, nor can I claim that I fully followed it.

231) Dark City (1998), Alex Proyas, A-
Yes, Roger Ebert is right. This is overlooked genius. This is a difficult film, an art film. "Memento" meets "Total Recall" meets "Metropolis" with a little bit of "Koyanisqaatsi" via Edward Hopper, too. Mixed with a handful of nightmares you’ve had when you are running down stairs. The first half hour is an uncomfortable and confusing mess and if I hadn’t been told to stick with it because the movie is actually brilliant I would have been tempted to turn it off. Proyas is ballsy – the beginning is SUPPOSED to be confusing. But is it the theory and technique that killed it at the box office? Noble, adult filmmaking – especially for what is a comic book movie. Might be fun to compare to "The Matrix."

230) Drole de Drame (1937), Marcel Carne, A-
Hats off to this great screwball comedy. It’s interesting, because it is a French movie about the English, and it has a very "English feel," especially with the requisite zany side characters. A real gem.

229) The Book of Life (1998), Hal Hartley, B-
Hal Hartley’s "Ultrachrist!" He’s an acquired taste. I hated the camera effects, but some very choice moments.

228) Animal Factory (2000), Steve Buscemi, C
An almost interesting look at prison life. Lots of talk about anal rape and racial tension. Nothing really explained. Decent performances from the usual indie suspects. Mr. Buscemi should stick to his own scripts.

227) Casablanca (1943), Michael Curtiz, A+
Barring time spent at the Playboy Mansion, I can’t think of a better way to spend 106 minutes. My favorite movie. Period.

226) October Sky (1999), Joe Johnston, B
Real old-fashioned family drama. You can see each story beat a mile away. Still, a good yarn, and if you don’t get tingles when that rocket goes up at the end you ought to talk to someone.

225) La Valle (Obscured by Clouds) (1972), Barbet Schroeder, C+
I liked this in college. Perhaps I’d like it more if I hadn’t recently watched "The Sky Above, The Mud Below," which is basically a documentary version of the same story. I know this is a hippy allegory, but where are the bugs? Where is the suffering? Why are all the savages so noble?

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