Denzel Washington is a handsome man. I'm not saying I want to have sex with him or anything, but I gotta tell you, when he gets all worked up, yelling and spitting and defending the constitution and the America way, he's just a pleasure to watch up there on the screen.

Unfortunately, in The Siege, the guy he's yelling at is Bruce Willis, who I like in his good guy roles, but here doesn't smile once in the whole movie, although he smirks through most of it, which just isn't the same. Willis doesn't convey a bit of authority or menace, which is a problem when you're portraying an Army general who holds the fate of the nation's biggest city in his hands. (You want a decent scene of Denzel yelling in some military guy's face, you should check out Crimson Tide and see how Bruce Willis stacks up to Gene Hackman. It ain't pretty.)

The Siege is, of course, about the above-mentioned general declaring martial law in New York when a series of terrorist incidents leave the local FBI paralyzed. What follows is the suspension of human rights, the round up of Brooklyn Arabs, and the complete disintegration of The Siege into a series of goofy chases and shootouts.

Which is a bummer. I've always been intrigued by movies that dare to ask "What if?" How could it happen here? What would it be like to live in a city paralyzed by terror? Smothered under martial law? Alas, The Siege is not particularly interested in answering these questions, and other than a couple shots of the citizens being nervous, endless news-clip montages, and a cheap-looking march on City Hall near the film's end, the sociological implications take a back-burner to bland, methodical plot-slinging.

The early stuff, when the terrorists are attacking and Denzel gets to spar with the sexy and intriguing Annette Bening, are pretty cool. Denzel's partner is the great Tony Shalhoub, who gets to try on a Lebanese accent this time (sounds pretty Lebanese to me, but what the fuck do I know?) And director Ed Zwick delivers some decent moments of suspense with hostage incidents on an MTA bus, and in an elementary school.

But once those tanks start rolling across the Brooklyn Bridge, the movie loses itself, getting more and more preposterous, and more and more lame, with each passing minute. The writers have no idea how to end it, either, and the final confrontation between Denzel and Bruce is almost as laughable as the final shot of about 30 people jumping up and down under a bridge which I think is supposed to signify the whole city rejoicing or something.

That shot looks cheap, and following its example, I'm going to suggest you be cheap too: Save your $9. Give The Siege a pass.