Part 1: WORLD PEACE THROUGH CELLULOID

#9: Throw up on Regis Philbin in public.
#8: Keep a really cool pet, like a Komodo dragon or an ocelot.
#7: Get killed in a Troma production.

Troma co-founder and cult favorite Lloyd Kaufman

Everybody's "life's list" is probably pretty similar to this, at least in terms of impossibility. I mean, a Komodo dragon is roughly the size of a canoe and therefore not suited to apartment life; Regis is perpetually surrounded by security, making him an unlikely puke-target; and Troma Entertainment is flooded with people trying to make their mark in no-budget horror and exploitation film. So when I was asked if I wanted to interview Troma co-founder Lloyd Kaufman, I was torn between an adult "Sure, I guess so" and an adolescent "Hell, yeah!"

After all, Lloyd Kaufman is legendary in cult film circles. He's built (with partner Michael Herz) a multimedia empire based on "sex, violence, monsters, and humor." His work has inspired the likes of Quentin Tarantino, Kevin Smith, and Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Best of all, Kaufman is the creator of everyone's favorite mutated superhero, the Toxic Avenger.

Not surprisingly, my "Hell yeah!" side won big time, and a phone interview was quickly arranged.

The Troma Team kindly sent over an amazing amount of background material on the studio, its latest release, Terror Firmer, and Kaufman himself. The information ranged from merely interesting to truly astounding. For example, who would ever have guessed that Kaufman and Herz met at Yale, where Kaufman made the Dean's List and eventually earned a degree in Chinese studies? That he's fluent in French and is Executive Vice Chairman of the American Film Marketing Association? How about this one: not only is he the devoted father of three daughters, but his wife Patricia is the New York State Film Commissioner? This is the kind of pedigree usually associated with a diplomat or a Disney exec, rather than someone Roger Corman has described as inhabiting the point "where the anarchic meets the ridiculous." It's also the sort of background that makes a novice interviewer like me very, very nervous.

After a couple of reschedulings, I was voice-to-voice with Lloyd Kaufman himself. And what a voice it was--a raspy tenor with more than a passing resemblance to Mel Brooks. My carefully-scripted questions went right out the window. The kindly and very funny Lloyd launched into a diatribe that ranged from Pretty Woman to political protest, making more than a few interesting stops along the way.

Is there any movie concept that Troma wouldn't touch?
Troma does what we believe in. We would draw the line at making a picture like Forrest Gump, where the message is "don't question the system, follow orders, behave like a robot, go to Vietnam and get your ass shot off." Or Pretty Woman, which teaches my daughters who are forced to watch it on a plane that the life of a prostitute is glamorous and wonderful. I would definitely draw the line at that kind of hypocrisy.

Definitely doesn't go along with Troma's stated goal of "World Peace through Celluloid, does it?
No, it definitely does not . . . You got four or five giant international devil-worshipping conglomerates that control everything we read, and hear, and see . . . Well, they think they know--the Tipper Gores and the Liebermans--they know what adults should see. They feel they can determine what we, who pay taxes and go to war, should see. It's OK for us to pay taxes. It's OK for us to get our asses shot off. But it is not OK for us to choose what kind of art we wish to experience.

. . . Nowadays, with the Internet, we've got a weapon that can keep the public informed against faulty products. So when the new Pentium chip came out and it stunk, the Internet spread the word real fast and even though Intel tried to stonewall it and sandbag it, eventually they had to give in. They had to admit that the new Pentium chip sucked. Now, if Nader had had that when he was fighting the big car companies, he probably would have won his battles a lot quicker and he would not have been a one-man show. In fact, when we demonstrated against Hillary Clinton and her mainstream entertainment fatcats on election night . . . there was a big party being thrown by Miramax, a division of Walt Disney, to celebrate the ownership of Gore and Lieberman and Hilary at a very posh New York restaurant. And we, Troma, announced on the Internet that we were going to have a demonstration for Nader and the rebuilding of the people's power, and we got a lot of our supporters through the Internet.

And I have to ask, what kind of coverage in the mainstream press did that get?
Er, none. (laughs) But there were a lot of people in the street and we had signs, you know, we had picket signs. And the Toxic Avenger was there, and Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD was there, and Dolphin Man, and Killer Condom Man, and a lot of our fans, and I think, you know, even if it was just one person, somebody was probably caused to think. Actually, we had a lot of signs printed up, one of which was a shot from Scary Movie with a penis going through somebody's head, and we had a caption saying "Mr. Lieberman, Please Don't Censor This." We had a lot of very good signs. And there were some--I'm sorry, there actually was some media there. Metro TV was there. There was some action. But--here's what's interesting. Even though we had a permit to demonstrate right in front of the doorway, the police made us move and we had to move to a spot that was kind of in the dark. So we got about an hour of interesting action, some of which you can see on our Web site. We had our own cameras there so you can see some of the action on the Web site, but then we were required to move about halfway down the block into an area of darkness. That took a lot of the wind out of our sails.

Even though they'd said that you could do it in the first place.
Yeah, we had a permit to be right there but then the police said something and they came up with some kind of excuse . . . But we did have an hour where we were right at the entrance of Elaine's, and there was a big crowd of people out front, and it was thanks to the Internet that people supporting Nader--and we had signs saying "Nader in 2004," and it probably was the first "Nader for President in 2004" rally that has occurred, when you think about it. It was the night of November 7, election night.

And as of today, we still don't have a president.
We haven't had one, actually, for about 30-some odd years.

What IS this country coming to?
Well, it's still the only place where you can really still speak your mind--even though you're being totally marginalized by society's media, at least you can say what you believe. And, like it or not, Michael Herz and I have created a movie studio out of nothing. From absolutely $300 in the bank we have created a 26-year-old movie studio with a very vociferous following. And I don't think that could have been done in any other country.

And not only through movies, but you guys really do have a hell of a presence on the Internet.
Well, again, that is one of the important aspects of any independent endeavor. Independent companies or individuals are the ones who take the risks. They're the innovators. They don't have boards of directors or stockholders to answer to. And Troma's had a Web site since 1993 and we've been there a long time. So we've been able to be there and create a series of websites that are popular. Troma.com and Tromaville.com get billions of people who go there. The Internet is a level playing field. Never before have the barriers to a new technology been lower. Never have the barriers to entry to a media been lower than they have been for the Internet. If you have something that's good, you'll get billions of people, whereas you cannot get on TV, you cannot get into Blockbuster Video regardless of how good your art is unless you are part of the devil-worshipping international conglomerate. You cannot get into the Guggenheim Museum these days unless you're Giorgio Armani. It's all controlled by the big, big dollar except the Internet, which is for the first time in a long time the free-market range.

By the interview's end, Lloyd's voice was even raspier and I was exhausted from the breakneck pace. I thanked him for his time. He apologized that he wouldn't be at the next day's press screening of Terror Firmer, but invited me to drop by the studio the following week. Little did I know that this would bring me . . .

Next week: FACE TO FACE WITH THE PENIS MONSTER