What we think of when we think of dentists. But is it the whole story?

Try this at home. Walk up to someone. Stick your hand in his or her mouth. Not like Robert DeNiro and Juliette Lewis in Cape Fear. Just casually put it in there. Pry it open a little and look around.

Strange stuff? Indeed. And why I find dentists so fascinating. They have one of the more common medical occupations, yet one that inspires fear on varying levels in most people I've known. They are generally well reimbursed for their services and have a way of life that often involves four-day work weeks and serious vacation time. Conversely, I have read articles stating that as a profession, they have an unusually high suicide rate.

A friend of mine, Richard Weiss, DDS, is a successful dentist with a thriving practice in New Jersey. He lives in a two-bedroom luxury condo in Manhattan and is one of the more affable, relaxed people I've met in New York. I often say, "I want to be Richard Weiss, DDS, when I grow up," as he has a lifestyle I aspire to. Often I'll call him, and he'll be on vacation in Aruba or Spain, or jetting off to see his beloved Oakland Raiders play the Broncos in Denver.

I recently asked him a few questions about dentistry. Despite the negative stereotypes regarding dentists, he may be the least-depressed person I have ever met.

William Repsher: What made you decide to become a dentist? Was it an occupation you aspired to in your youth? Did you see Sir Laurence Olivier in The Marathon Man and secretly envy the dread he inspired in Dustin Hoffman?

Richard Weiss: Inspiration . . . moves me brightly. Several factors. My daddy was an absolutely brilliant engineer--truly one of the most intelligent, yet down to earth, individuals I have ever run across . . . . and he had trouble, at times, finding work. So when I was at that decision-making age, the old man urged me to enter a profession where I could be my own boss--dentist, lawyer, accountant, whatever. So long as I did not have to punch a fucking clock and worry about a pink slip. How right he was.

I chose dentistry partly because I was always getting good grades, and figured the more education I received, the more respected, and better paying, profession I would end up in. I enjoyed school--so why not keep going? Lawyers seemed a dime a dozen; med school took too goddamn long. What I liked about dentistry was that it demanded a good head for science and an appreciation of the artist as well. Let's face it, unless the manual dexterity is there--you're not gonna cut it. Also, I was keenly aware that all it took was four years, and I could then hang up a shingle.

I did see The Marathon Man and greatly admired the acting prowess of Olivier--however my career choice was not influenced by the film.

WR: Many people (like me, for instance) still carry that psychological fear of going to the dentist, although I must admit, in the past few years, my trips have been relatively painless. When your patients are feeling edgy and paranoid, what do you do to diminish their fears?

RW: When I have a nervous, edgy, patient on my hands, I employ the tried-and-true technique of "talking them down". I try to book my patients so as to have enough time to converse a bit. While never losing sight of the fact that they are there to utilize my professional expertise, patients can be extremely mollified to learn that they share some common outside interests with me. To this end, I have become quite adept at holding up my end of a conversation while discussing a myriad of different topics. Guy comes in with a tie-dyed T-shirt and it's--"Hey man, were you at that show in the Garden in '84 when Jerry played ‘Bertha' into ‘La Bamba' into ‘Watchtower'?" Guy comes in reading The Wall Street Journal and it's--"How about that run that IBM had last week, split 2-for-1, and it's almost back where it started!"

It's amazing the look I get from certain patients when they realize that I can quote Bruce Springsteen songs verbatim, or know what a point spread is. The great, dying art of good, spirited conversation can go a long way into turning a hyper patient into a cool cucumber. But I also have to know when to shut up and get to work. I remember one patient complaining to me that he left his previous dentist because, and I quote, "I was trying to find out the pros and cons of a root canal vs. an extraction, and all the doc kept on talking about was Miles fucking Davis!"

WR: What are your occupational hazards? Has anyone ever bitten your hand?

RW: Occupational hazards: Mental fatigue, a.k.a. "burnout". That's where the "Wednesday Off" factor comes in. I have cut my schedule down to three-and-a-half days a week, and although I am sacrificing some income, I have a higher quality of life and am more enthusiastic about the work on the days that I do go in.

Dentists always have to watch out for needle pricks and scalpel cuts and finger burns, etc. due to the nature of the items that we work with constantly. Fortunately, the hand biting injury is one that I have been fortunate enough to have avoided.

WR: Another horrible childhood memory of dentistry: simply the atmosphere. That dentist office smell. (Every time we took our dog to the vet, it went wild with fear in the waiting room. I saw dentist offices as the human equivalent.) The magazines: Highlights for the kids, People or Time for the adults. The sounds: drills whining behind closed doors; a muffled grunt; elevator muzak versions of "Under My Thumb." All these things added to my psychological terror. What kind of publications and music do you have in your waiting room? Is it set up in any certain way to make patients feel more at ease?

RW: I feel that the atmosphere in a dental office is extremely important. I want the patients to feel comforted and comfortable from the moment they walk in to the reception area. A fish tank is essential--soothing, calming, intriguing. But I am always keeping my eye on it--a dirty tank with dead fish floating around can have the exact opposite effect!

My mother picked up a crate full of toys for $5.00 a couple of years ago at a garage sale, and when kids come in they go absolutely bonkers over them . . . never fails. It also lets parents know that our office is "kid friendly".

I also keep close tabs on the magazines I stock the racks with. Variety and selection are paramount. Along with the pre-requisite People, Time and National Geographic, my waiting area also features Rolling Stone, The New Yorker, Esquire, Details, New York, Volleyball, Automotive, Readers Digest, Highlights, Newsweek, Business Week, and several brochures from environmental agencies to which I contribute. Something for everyone!

As far as music is concerned, I have individual radios in each of my three operatories, and the dial is tuned to whatever the patient appears to be more at home with. Classical, Top 40, Classic Rock (ugh!), Disco, or my own personal fave--WFMU. (Editor's note: WFMU is a local not-for-profit station known for its eclectic tastes.) Some of the early AM patients request Howard Stern, and I am very happy to oblige. I remember that one patient's entire morning appointment was spent with both of us laughing our asses off to some Stern riffs to the extent that it was impossible for us to get any work done! His next appointment was made for an afternoon.

WR: What has been the strangest experience you've had as a dentist? What has been the worst? Please elaborate.

RW: The strangest part of the job is the wide variety of people I have met as patients. Young, old, nervous, cool, black, white, green, yellow, etc. One of my weirdest patients is an eccentric old accountant who comes in like clockwork every six months to have a new set of dentures made. The strange part is the reasons he gives for needing new teeth. They're always a hoot and are duly recorded in his patient file. One example: "Patient reports that he broke his denture while in a political argument with his friend who took the teeth out of his mouth and stepped on them."

The worst experiences are the interactions with patients that are never satisfied no matter how hard I try and please them. Unfortunately, these situations arise on a fairly regular basis, but lately I have been pretty good at spotting them early and adjusting my (and their!) attitude accordingly.

WR: Your occupation often involves the use of serious anesthetics. Has a patient ever "had a trip" or gone similarly crazy while under the influence of these mind-altering substances?

RW: The only time that I was somewhat alarmed at a patient's reaction to anesthetics that I had administered was a 25-year-old male whose eyes rolled back in his head and whose body went slack immediately following an injection. Fortunately, he came around again in a few minutes. I've had patients start breathing heavily, or sweating profusely, or becoming extremely flush in the face many times. However, those situations are best handled by lying the patient back and putting a cold compress on their forehead and letting them take as long as they need to feel normal.

Ironically, the patient with the rolled back eyes showed up in the police blotter section of the local paper about six months later in connection with a drug bust!

WR: Do you socialize with fellow dentists? Have you noticed any similar personality traits among them?

RW: I do socialize with several other dentists. When attending a seminar or a convention the traits that I notice most prominently are that dentists as a whole are lousy dressers, and tend to be somewhat suspicious, cautious, bitter, and cynical. The latter may be explained as a reaction to being jobbed by patients and insurance companies on a somewhat regular basis. I cannot really explain the former.

WR: Have you been seeing any dental trends with your patients? Are people taking better/worse care of their teeth?

RW: There is no question in my mind that the general population as a whole has a much healthier dentition than when I first started practicing some 16 years ago. People are much more health conscious overall these days and that concern has spilled over into the dental hygiene arena. Also, the introduction of fluoride rinses and fluoride vitamin pills has dramatically decreased the cavity rate in children. A good 60% of the patients that I see under the age of 10 have yet to develop a cavity! The advent of dental insurance and the emphasis on prevention have no doubt created a healthier society, dental-wise.

WR: I make it a point to brush my teeth when I visit my dentist, as I don't want him putting his hand in my "dirty" mouth. Yet, I have a friend who purposely doesn't brush before going to the dentist with the attitude of "let him earn his money." (I shudder to think how we he would treat a proctologist.) Do most patients come to you with "clean" mouths? I imagine working on a patient with halitosis or unflossed teeth after a meal must be awful.

RW: Fortunately, the vast majority of my patients like to brush, rinse, and floss before they come and visit me, so I usually see them at their freshest. However, there is certainly a segment of my patient population which does indeed have a problem with halitosis. Therefore, I always have a huge jug of Listerine handy and will kindly offer up a swig to those patients most deserving! The masks I wear for infection control are also helpful in odor control. Actually, poor body odor is more of a problem than bad breath!

WR: Have you ever encountered dentist groupies? Fetishists with dental obsessions?

RW: Ah, dental groupies . . . . . The stories I could tell. And Mick Jagger thinks being a rock star can score you chicks? Let him don scrubs and pick up a syringe and see what sex appeal is really about! Unfortunately, my hypocritical oath prohibits me from revealing the secrets behind the allure of the dental professional.

WR: Have you ever been contacted for one of those toothpaste/mouthwash surveys that state "four out of five dentists prefer . . ."? I've always wondered about that fifth rebel dentist who didn't know a certain dental product was superior to all others. Is that you?

Although I have been contacted by various pharmaceutical companies over the course of my career and asked to sample certain products, as far as I know, my opinions have never been used in an advertising campaign . . . . at least not with my written consent! I do have one friend who cracks herself up every time I see her by asking me the rhetorical question, "Has the fifth dentist come around yet? "

WR: How has being a dentist influenced your view of humanity? Has it changed the way you see people?

RW: Not really. People come in such an infinite variety of sizes, shapes, temperaments, and personalities, and the only difference in my view is that I interact with so many more folks on a daily, face-to-face basis than your average office worker. However, one statement I can make unequivocally is that the overwhelming number of my patient interactions is positive. So, if anything, I may have a greater appreciation of the general goodness and compassion of individuals as a whole, assuming my patient population is an acceptable microcosm of our society.

WR: In closing, how do you feel about your work? I've known you to be a genuinely happy man with a positive outlook. Do any of my perceived negatives (drills, nasty little scraping instruments, white smocks) leave you with mixed emotions about your occupation?

RW: I'd like to say that I am indeed happy with the path upon which my work has led me. Overall, the benefits of being in a profession where I can provide comfort and compassion, and at the same time make up my own schedule without the burden of being beholden to anyone else, is certainly a recipe for a rewarding career. The positive feedback gained when a patient thanks me for a job well done goes a long way towards overcoming any of the minor negatives and inconveniences that I experience along the way.