Ben-Hur (William Wyler, 1959): One of the greatest epics ever filmed and one of the greatest Guy Movies, Ben-Hur is the tragic story of a Real Man who reaches his masculine pinnacle through vengeance, but then loses everything when he falls in with a cult of namby-pamby feminine pacifists.

Judah Ben-Hur (Charlton Heston) is a Jewish prince living a life of luxury in Jerusalem, his days filled with wine and concubines and those loose velvets robes that really let the testicles breathe. But all is not well in the Holy Land. The Romans are the tyrannical rulers of the city, and the Jews live under the lead-tipped boot of oppression, while talk of insurrection and rebellion murmur through the streets.

When Judah's Roman friend Messala returns after many years to take his new post as Tribune in Jerusalem, Judah thinks that things will finally be set right. But Messala has other ideas--he wants Judah to betray his people, and help the Romans quell the stirrings of rebellion. Judah refuses, and the men become sworn enemies.

When some roof tiles accidentally almost brain the Roman governor, Messala has Judah and his family unjustly imprisoned to set an example to the other Jews. Judah is consigned to a slave galley where his job is to tug his oar all day.

This lasts for years, until fate (or God or whatever) sinks the boat in a grand battle, and Judah, by saving the life of a Roman officer, finds a more prosperous life, and eventually, citizenship.

But like any real man, what Judah really wants is vengeance against the bastard who imprisoned him and his family. As soon as he is able, he travels back to Jerusalem to confront Messala and settle the score. Then there's a lot of stuff involving lepers, and the climactic chariot race when Judah and Messala finally go head to head to see who has better control of his bullwhip.

This is all good stuff, but now that the flick has its cake, it's determined to eat it also, so suddenly Judah comes under the thrall of Jesus the Nazarene (who's been wandering around the periphery of the story doing miracles and whatnot) and renounces his violent ways. Some timing!

Judah was probably more interesting to hang out with when he was an ornery S.O.B. hell-bent on murder than when he was a glassy-eyed Christian spreading the Good Word and denouncing all the best vices, but still, for at least that brief shining time, Judah Ben-Hur was a real bad-ass. And it's for that that I make Ben-Hur my Guy Movie of the Week.