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Guy Movie of the Week, 5/17/99: Krull
by Kerry Douglas Dye

published 5/17/99

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Kerry Douglas Dye is LeisureSuit.net's Manhattan-based Senior Editor.



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Subj: Krull
Worst. Movie. Ever.

-- Brian
Dec 4, 2009 at 9:32PM

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Krull (Peter Yates, 1983):
From the opening shot of an enormous space ship drifting through the inky blackness of the galaxy, it is clear why this sci-fi fantasy about a young man imbued with special powers and a special destiny and mentored by an aged master, who must overcome many obstacles to save a Princess from captivity, became an instant classic.

And no, I'm not talking about Star Wars, nor any of its sequels, prequels (although Liam Neeson is in it), or merchandising tie-ins. The film I'm talking about (in case you missed it in the graphic or at the beginning of the article) is, of course, Krull. In this, our special Star Wars edition, I thought that rather than rehashing George Lucas's ancient series like everyone else is doing right now, I'd instead examine some of the flotsam and jet-powered hokum that washed up in the wake of the sci-fi fantasy renaissance perpetrated by Star Wars.

That's when you found your Beastmasters, and Deathstalkers, and Dragonslayers, and Metalstorms . . . They were heady days, filled with sword-wielding heroes, cornball dialogue, and cheap-looking special effects. Pretty much like the original Star Wars, come to think of it. Krull is a fine enough example of the genre. In this story, which takes place on the planet Krull, Prince Colwyn's marriage to one Princess Lyssa is interrupted by a fearsome army of Slayers (who are more or less just a dozen guys in funky helmets) who kidnap the princess and take her to this fortress that disappears and reappears at regular intervals (just like that town of legend . . . you know, Detroit) so she can marry some alien monster known as The Beast.

Prince Colwyn treks off to save her, a journey that involves a lot of riding around on inexpensive outdoor sets, saying lines like "Each to his fate," and " Power is fleeting, love is eternal," and gathering the requisite band of helpers along the way. Oh yeah, although first, he has to climb a mountain to get a legendary weapon called the "Glave" which is ensconced in a vagina-like crevice and submerged in some amniotic goo. (Noting that the word "Glave" is an anagram for "gavel," which is synonymous with "hammer" and therefore leads to words like "pound" and "nail," makes it pretty clear that the perverts who made this picture had sex on the brain.) Why he needs this Glave isn't really clear . . . it's a magical weapon that looks like a Ninja throwing star crossed with an Aerobie, but he doesn't use it for much more than a welding torch to get through the door behind which his beloved princess is locked. She's been wearing the same dress for three days, but he kisses her anyway, which I guess is an indication of true love.

Of course I'm skipping a lot of stuff, like the blind seer who spends all his days kneeling in a room and can help the prince find the hidden fortress, and the old widow who spends all her days kneeling in a room and can help the prince find the hidden fortress. It's a film that knows how to milk a motif.

So what exactly makes this a guy film, besides the fact that if you have a couple of guy friends over and get 3 or 4 six packs, a few pepperoni pizzas, and maybe a Vienetta for dessert, you'll have a ball watching this goofy movie? Well, there's a lot of male bonding, for one thing. On the way to finding the fortress where his princess is held captive, the prince hooks up with a gang of bandits played by such luminaries as Liam Neeson, Robbie Coltrane, and one of the ignoble betrayers of William Wallace from Braveheart. These guys bond so well that when the prince spots the blood of one of his missing comrades on a stone floor, he is immediately able to identify it by sight: "That's Ergo!" he says. Must have been the red that tipped him off.

There's also a little bit of masculine emotion on display. Liam Neeson dies very macho, with a wistful "My traveling days are over, my friend." Don't feel too bad for him--he's the only character in the film who gets laid. The princess that all the hubbub is about could use to be a little more buxom, though, I suppose. With her puffy cheeks, she kind of reminded me of a Wellesley-era Hillary Rodham, which I couldn't decide whether or not was a turn-on. Thankfully, because the prince and princess are kept apart for so long, there's a minimum of mushy stuff in the movie, although when they finally are reunited, the prince suddenly gets the power to shoot some sort of True Love fireballs out of the palms of his hands. Don't ask, because I couldn't tell you.

Krull isn't a good movie, but if you want all the bad dialogue, bad acting, and goofy story of Star Wars without having to identify with the nerd-driven Zeitgeist that lies behind it, Krull may just be the movie for you.


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Name: Brian
Subject: Krull
-- Dec 4, 2009 at 9:32PM
Worst. Movie. Ever.

Name: kwiksand1
Subject: Krull
-- Mar 16, 2006 at 1:02AM
I loved the quicksand scene. One of my favs

Name: peggy
Subject: Krull
-- Feb 18, 2006 at 2:15AM
My boys are grown men now but they both love the movie,as do I the mom! They are gone with kids of their own but when it comes on, I watch it. Heck I own the old VHS. Its just so fun to see them crackin up and quoting lines. I, if it was possible would own a glaive. Sell me one! LOL! What son would talk back to a mom with one in her hand. Great movie!
so there!!

Name: Rex Hex
Subject: Well, It is a FUN movie.
-- Jul 6, 2005 at 2:27PM
Well, I agree that Krull isn't that good of a movie, but who cares? It is fun and has some pretty cool stuff in it!
For example, it gains cool points just because of the Beast, which is crazy mad as he dies breakdancing in a sea of flames! (at least this is what I always thought it seemed). And the Glaive is wicked cool also, a five point bladed star thingy that you control with your mind? That was awesome!
In the end, who cared if hte movie was bad if it's fun? It's still fun today....
I bet the author of the article also hated all Star Wars films...

Name: Hempman
Subject: Great Movie
-- Aug 30, 2002 at 5:48PM
Krull is a great
fantasy classic, with
memorable characters (Who can forget the whimsical sorceror who never can get one spell right.. I'm talking ofcourse about Ergo the magnificent.. or what about the gentle cyclop Rell, with his melancholy and wisdom.)

Name: Raven Morris
Subject: the movie is great, sorry it didnt work for you
-- Aug 28, 2002 at 11:38AM
I loved this movie as a kid, watched it many times, and still like it almost two decades later. It had unique characters and memorable scenes. After not watching it for like 6-8 years, and then rewatching it ... I remembered almost every scene in the whole movie. At the time there was so much cheesy crap out there, I don't get why everyone calls this one so cheesy. For one, there was a good atmosphere with the people that join the group, and for two, many of them did not survive until the end. The scenes of the characters dying -- quicksand, spiked wall, crushed by a door, etc. -- were very well done. I couldn't stand the rest of the movies of that time where automatically all the good guys live, and all the bad guys die. Far too predictable.

Which is what I liked most about the movie: it was a fun ride, as you had no clue what would come next, the true sense of "adventure" ;.

The special effects weren't great. The acting wasn't going to win awards. The dialogue was a bit cliched, the *overall* plot was a bit predictable (but not the sub-plots, they were top-notch) ... but all in all, it had real personality.

And yes, it was "glaive", not "glave". I knew that even when I was a young'un, without ever seeing the video game. It says it on the back of the box as far as I know (plus I had the photo-book that was based on the movie later).

Name: Jonah Falcon
Subject: It's a "glaive"
-- Mar 16, 2002 at 11:01PM
It's not a "Glave", it's a "Glaive", as anyone who spent time playing the coin-op arcade game could tell you.

Name: hooliganismo
Subject: How can you rip on this movie?
-- Jun 9, 2001 at 12:23AM
What's cool about "Krull" is that it's not cynical. Anyone who can get over the cheesy effects and murky plot will see a well-written, dense fantasy world populated by creatures and characters with real stories behind them (like the old man Ynir and the Widow of the Web subplot). The real magic in Krull lies in these creative back-stories and mythical archetypes reminiscent of (of course not as literate as) Tolkien and
King Arthur. It also has some cool music by James Horner. Look past the genre! Everything is a genre piece. It's how a story is told that really counts in a movie.

Name: Krull Fan
Subject: I love Krull
-- Jan 12, 2001 at 8:29PM
Krull is one of the greatest movies I've ever seen. I saw it when I was at camp years and years ago. I wet my bed for three weeks straight after this. Krull is just a shining star in an otherwise depressing world. I mean, all the big breasts women, and elfs, and Krull, makes this movie the greatest. If anyone ever disses Krull I will have to go all magic starfish on their ass. Remember folks, Krull is God, and everyone else is just a savior.

Name: Mark
Subject: Guy Movie of the Week, 5/17/99: Krull
-- Dec 27, 2000 at 4:27PM
Look. its a goofy film and it has its charms. Its not Hamlet. Its not quite Cheese-Whiz. But a nice mixture of the two...
Pretty good for a guy who made BULLIT....

Name: Dave
Subject: Loved it
-- May 22, 2000 at 4:15PM
All I can say is that this movie rocks! I love it! I could watch it 10 times over. This movie is what sci-fi and fantasy is all about "Things that could never happen but are fun to watch"! It bugs the heck out of me to see people rip this movie appart because it is too fake or too stupid. This movie is awesome and I recomend it to any true Sci-fi/Fantasy lover!

Name: Nate
Subject: Worst Movie Ever
-- Dec 4, 1999 at 3:33PM
The last time I saw this movie it was in the mid-eighties and it was the most horrible film I think I'd ever seen. The worst part about the whole film is that the people who made it took it seriously and it was so awful it was funny. Perhaps they should take a hint from Sam Raimi who did Evil Dead and realized it was so bad it was funny and make a spoof like Evil Dead 2, I couldn't even watch Krull it was such a digusting rip off. I don't really find it a guy movie, you want a guy movie try the greatest action film ever, ALIENS or something like Hard-Boiled, true guy movies


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